A Christmas Prince: The Recap
Alright guys–I took a bullet and watched Netflix’s A Christmas Prince so you don’t have to.
I’d normally write something like *SPOILER ALERT* here, but if you’ve seen any Hallmark Christmas or Lifetime Original film (and I’m assuming you have because you’re only human), you already know the plot. (And if you were with me for my Christmas Crafting post last year, you already know about my proclivity for these excellent films.)
First, let me go back to Friday night. Friday night was the night of my office Christmas dinner. That dreaded event that I am unable to get out of each year because I am actually in charge of arranging it. Well, as it was on a Friday this year, I really let loose and allowed my ‘party personality’ (that I inherited from my mother) to shine. That is to say that I drank two bottles of wine and possibly tried to download Pocket Bible on several of my uninterested colleagues’ phones. And danced. Probably a lot like Elaine.
Needless to say, I wasn’t feeling my best on Saturday morning.
But – ho! – from its heavenly bower, Netflix bestowed upon me the perfect hangover remedy: a cheesy Christmas movie.
‘Mind if I put on—-‘
‘I AM WATCHING A CHRISTMAS PRINCE!!!!!’
If you’ve ever seen one of these films, you know that they are always about a white, blonde woman who has a high-powered job in Manhattan. Blondie is always either stuck up and snobby or a sweet and quirky goofball. Blondie is either pathetically single or has a clearly selfish dickhead boyfriend. And one of Blondie’s parents is always dead. Always. (They usually kill off the mother and leave behind a folksy dad who gives corny fatherly advice.)
Sure enough, A Christmas Prince is about a blonde woman named Amber who works as a journalist in a (weirdly quiet) Manhattan newsroom. Sweet, clumsy Amber is out of place in the cutthroat world of Manhattan reporting, but she is following her dream (#dreams #blessed). Amber’s dad works in a humble hotdog diner in Brooklyn (pictured above). Amber’s mother is dead.
Usually in these movies Blondie’s boss sends her off to some snowy Stars Hollow-esque town in Connecticut right before Christmas to learn a lesson and meet a small town man who has been previously heartbroken (so he has trust issues) but is still really nice, kind, giving, into Christmas, and has good values and some muscles. I learned from watching Christmas Inheritance recently (okay, it was pretty much right after I watched A Christmas Prince) that being sexually appealing is no longer a prerequisite for the mansplaining love interest, as they managed to cast an actor who looks like he should be playing a murderer.
But in a WILD twist, for A Christmas Prince, Amber’s boss shakes things up by sending her to the foreign country of….Aldovia…. on 18 December to report on a playboy Prince Richard who is meant to succeed to the Aldovian throne on Christmas day, for whatever reason (no reason, there is no reason for this convention).
Now let me tell you a little about Aldovia. It appears to be located in the same place as Disney’s Frozen, but instead of being filled with English-speaking and singing Americans, Aldovia is populated with English-speaking and Christmas-carol-singing British people. It’s really snowy and there’s a castle and a lot of woods and sort of a town place. I can also see from an internet search that many people have asked Google if this is a real place.
Aldovia is currently interregnum (King Richard having died the previous year leaving the throne open to the playboy prince, also named Richard). All that is a bit complicated (like WAY too complicated for this type of movie) so I won’t go into too much detail (crikey, I’ve already written 500 words and you’re probably thinking, ‘Why am I still reading this synopsis of a clearly terrible movie?’), but basically, … actually, no, I can’t explain to you any more about the abdication and stuff, it’s just too tedious and more complex than actual history.
Suffice it to say that there are a whole bunch of arbitrary rules in Aldovia, and Prince Richard might not agree to be king when the time comes and Aldovia can IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM be ruled by a woman, so Amber needs to be there to report on the potential royal scandal. Obviously.
So Amber gets to Aldovia, and through a madcap misunderstanding, manages to procure herself a bedroom at the royal palace under the guise of being little Princess Emily’s tutor.
Princess Emily is kind of like Colin Craven and has spina bifita (lil heavy, guys!) and a classic dislike of governesses. But she gets over her dislike of Amber quickly (like, super fast, like in a day) and they become really tight and Amber familiarly calls her ‘Em’ etc.
Oh my goodness, this post is getting out of hand! I’d better pick up the pace! I really miscalculated how involved this classic film really is!
Let’s see… so Amber and Prince Richard fall in love, of course (after 3 days) yada yada yada. On day 4, Amber discovers that Prince Richard is actually adopted (which is really bad and means he can’t be king), and she toys with telling him the truth–both of his parentage and her LIES. But naturally when Amber is about to confess, Prince Richard stops her mouth with a kiss. Don’t worry–he will forget that he has literally shut her up with his own mouth later when he’s angry with her for not telling him.
Prince Richard finds out about Amber’s deception right after he’s told her she’s the only honest and real person he has ever met (this happens in ALL of these movies–ALL OF THEM–even the murderer from Christmas Inheritance said it, as pictured below).
Anyway, getting back to A Christmas Prince, Amber is dressed like Cinderella and enjoying the Christmas Eve Ball when the two dark-haired baddies who stand to inherit the throne drop the adoption news bomb on the good people of Aldovia. They only know about the adoption because Amber left the papers carelessly strewn all over her bed… right alongside her passport that indicates she’s not who she says she is.
Amber is cast out of the kingdom.
But before she boards her plane back to NYC, she has an epiphany about this acorn ornament (don’t ask–it’s another really long explanation) and rushes back to the palace. She opens up the acorn, and sure enough, there is a document in there with a new law on it that states that even though Prince Richard is not truly of the bloodline, he can still inherit the throne. Collective sigh of relief because the whole world would be screwed if this mighty and influential kingdom of Aldovia was in the hands of those two brunette posh people.
At this point, B goes, ‘Surely this movie is going to end with Princess Emily (who is not adopted) inheriting the throne!?’
No no, honey. You don’t understand. These films are the cornerstone that upholds the patriarchy.
So Prince Richard becomes King Richard II (I guess they didn’t bother to see if this name would have any negative connotations) and Amber goes back to NYC since Richard is still petulantly mad at her.
Back in New York, Amber quits her job to write a blog about how King Richard is actually really nice and not a playboy. Hold up–is this an option–just quit your job and blog?!?!!?!?!? Of course, like my blog, Amber’s blog gets a gazillion hits, and that enables her financial stability to live basically unemployed in NYC. Fortunately, King Richard checks out Amber’s blog ‘online’, and it spurs him to fly to NYC and propose to her. He kneels in the snow and asks her to marry him and she says yes and…. WHY THE F*CK AM I CRYING?!? THIS MOVIE IS TERRIBLE! WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?!
…All this has been leading up to my announcement to you guys that starting in 2018, I will be blogging exclusively about King Richard II of Aldovia. I hope you understand my decision to do this and will continue to support my blog which will now mostly be things like sequential pictures of King Richard having snowball fights with orphans. I will try not to forget y’all when I get really big, but I can’t make any promises.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your reward for making it this far down in the post is me (sober and beautiful, like Amber) on the tube coming home from Friday’s Christmas party:
Who wants to be my Christmas prince?!
xWG
Winter-Maker 
I made it to the end! Only kidding 😂😚 I hope you know the lady next to you on the tube? Hehe. Sounds like a must see! Seriously, funny and clever as ever xxx
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Haha yes, I knew her…. but I suspect I was leaning a fair few strangers on the 2 trains and 1 bus I had to ride alone after that! Making it home was truly a Christmas miracle!! Thanks for reading, love xxx
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So glad to hear that I am not the only one who occasionally (okay, often) ODs on Hallmark Channel and Lifetime sappy romances. Sounds like the perfect way to spend a Saturday!
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Hahaha I mean, once you start it’s hard to stop! I hope you’re also having a lovely holiday filled with Hallmark cheer 🙂
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Thank you; I am enjoying my sappy stories this season.
May you and your loved ones have a happy, healthy, Hallmark-laden holiday!
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I’m now EXTREMELY invested in the political situation in Aldovia. Hilarious post! Can you please review more movies? Mmkay thanks.
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Hahaha I’ll be sure to let you know if there are any breaking developments over in Aldovia. Maybe I should exclusively devote myself to bad film watching and reviewing? 🙂
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Very funny! And I just read an article (maybe WSJ who has stooped to new lows along with the other rags) about how popular the Hallmark Movie Channel is. It seems there are people like me who actually enjoy happy endings especially today when the world is in turmoil. Also the holidays are difficult times for many people: those who have lost a loved one or those (like myself) separated from someone they love at Christmas (you). These mindless movies take them to a place they can tolerate however briefly and find a vicarious happiness. Now I grant you, the movies are all the things you said and not exactly Emmy award winning productions! Suffice it to say, I will not be watching this Prince one! Lol. But I did watch “Romance at Reindeer Lodge” starring a peeinian look alike and a cute actress this week. Also I recommend “Dashing through the Snow” with an FBI agent named Dash who was dreamy. Haha. But I wanted to let you know that the subtitle to the article was “Hallmark Channel under fire for spreading Caucasian cheer” so you are not alone.
Now I want to know WHY——-why you did not watch the depressing, heart breaking classic I recommended “The Days of Wine and Roses”? That would really put some jolly thoughts in that mind of yours! It was 1963, black and white, tear jerking, disturbing drama. (I do think Lee Remick was blonde though but could have been red headed). I bet it would have you clamoring for Hallmark!
One more thing: you see, the Party Personality is accomplished with no drinking or at least very little—-kind of like constant Elaine. It is brought on by loving being at a party with no help from the alcohol. (At least that is what one tells oneself!)
Loved reading this as I can just hear you talking in your inimitable way! Now I have to go turn on the Hallmark Channel. XO
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Oh my, ‘Romance at Reindeer Lodge’ and ‘Dashing Through the Snow’ sound like two absolute classics! I’ll have to try and get my paws on those. Don’t worry, I intend to get back to my ‘disturbing drama’ watching self in New Year. Miss and Love you! ❤
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Great synopsis! I am laughing out loud at these captioned stills and am admiring the comb-lines in Richard’s princely hair. This is the first Hallmark film that I know of where the romance is saved by blogging! I will have to check US Netflix for this instant classic (having recently made my beau sit through Three Men and a Baby. We’re in sore need of more cheesy movies). Merry Rom-com Christmas to you, too! 🙂
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Yes–it’s a must see! Your beau will love it! Hhaha. My husband pretended to not be watching but then kept piping up with questions… obviously loved it. Thanks for reading and a Merry Rom-com Christmas right back at ya! 🙂
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This movie is clearly a rip-off of Shakespeare’s Hamlet. I mean c’mon, snowy kingdom, dead king (probably killed by his brother who dripped poison in his ear…every despot’s preferred murder method), wayward prince, love interest who goes on about plants (or future plants in the case of the acorn thingie). Toss in some holiday-time suicides and snarky skull-tossing gravediggers and you’ve got yourself a completely shameless copyright infringement (if Shakespeare’s works weren’t in the public domain, that is). I’m so disappointed in the hallmark film industry I’m simply going to have to ban watching any of their movies from now on…which will be my easiest New Year’s Resolution ever since I’ve never seen one to begin with.
Oh how I miss office parties…so much so that I started throwing my own Solstice Party every year. Sparkling wine, nibbles, and Christmas music with the cats (aka “my co-workers”) – PAR-TAY!!! Unfortunately they’re far less likely to do any awkward-white-people dancing or downloading music onto my phone so I appreciate you sharing your own experiences so I can live vicariously through you!
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Gosh, how could I not have seen the blatant Hamlet rip off!?!?!?! The nerve! I wouldn’t ban Hallmark altogether though… makes for a good laugh. Plus, you’re blonde so you could potentially be one of their leading ladies.
Awww your Solstice Party sounds realllllllly nice. I’d rather go to that party. Plus, you don’t have to worry about taking 3 trains, a bus, and a walk to get home afterward!
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Yes, the lack of a commute really adds to the “let loose” atmosphere of my office parties. Although one year when I was working at the lab a coworker gave me pear brandy for Xmas. So of course I started drinking it (slow day at the lab). It sure made the morning go by faster, although the afternoon is a bit of a headachy blur.
As for Hamlet, the fine grooming of the prince’s hair slick probably distracted you from all thoughts of literary comparison. And now I’m off to dye my hair bright red to avoid ever being kidnapped by the Hallmarknetwork and forced to act in one of their films 🙀🙀🙀
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haha nooooo!!! Chance of a lifetime!!! Use your blonde! It’s a glorious Lifetime achievement!!!
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Ha……..ha 🙄
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Oh my gosh. I read this over lunch at a restaurant and the bartender asked me what’s so funny. I tried to explain, but it’s like trying to communicate an inside joke to someone else — just made me look dumb. Ha!
Lauren loves these movies, and I’m pretty sure she’s already watched this one.
Thanks for the British history reference too.
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Hhahaha so glad to have the opportunity to embarrass you in a restaurant from all the way over here! Haha I’m sure Lauren has seen ‘A Christmas Prince’ … it’s an instant classic. Classic, I tell ya! Merry Christmas to y’all — miss you.
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WOW. That’s it, I’m selling all my possessions and moving to Aldovia in the new year, where I will live off the proceeds of my blogging (?!!) and dress as Cinderella every night. This certainly sounds like a timeless classic, and I’m SO ashamed that I sneered at Netflix when they first tried to get me to watch it. That said, there is no way the real thing could live up to your synopsis of it, complete with awesome photos of your post-party commute at the end! Happy Christmas to you and the kitties 😸 😀 😸
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I mean…. right?! Like I feel like the Aldovian royalty won’t notice if we trade in and out of this experience–they’d be like ‘Hmmm they’re both like not-blonde and maybe the same sardonic person? Bring out the best in the prince? American? Irish? Same diff?!
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Ha! This plan cannot fail… A timeshare in providing life-changing guidance to a minor royal, leaving plenty of free hours for each of us to glug mulled wine, eat waffles and watch made-for-TV movies on Netflix. That’s what Christmas means to me… Sign me up IMMEDIATELY! 😀
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😂😂😂
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Alert! Watching Hallmark and “A Royal New Year’s Eve” will be aired this weekend. I know you do not want to miss it. Spoiler alert: different prince but same costume.
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