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Valentine’s: A Night to Remember

by weekes29 Comments on Valentine’s: A Night to RememberFood, Television, Uncategorized

It’s that time of year again!

I considered just re-blogging my Valentine post from last year because it’s one of my favourite posts ever and it hasn’t gotten many views…. but no, I decided that I owe my dear readers some fresh content on this day of love.

Besides, there is already a v-day post I wrote for a socialite I worked for (don’t ask) that seems to re-emerge on her website every February (with my name deleted from the writing and photography credits, of course) about planning an ‘intimate supper’ for your lover (bleck) with fancy china and calligraphy invitations (this all sooooo sounds like me, doesn’t it?) and a four course meal (that you’re supposed to cook for your lover/instruct your maid to cook for your lover), so I figure there are enough recycled Weekes vibes out there representing February 14th.

This year, I’ve been re-inspired by my ‘intimate supper’ piece (even that descriptor gives me the willies, kind of like the words ‘moist’ and ‘panties’ or ‘moist panties’ if you really want things to get offensively unbearable), and I feel compelled to write another guide for spending an ideal Valentine’s Day with your lover.

Valentine’s Day is around the corner today… what do you have planned for your special someone*? Don’t panic–I’ve compiled a list of useful tips and tricks to make sure that this Valentine’s Day is a night to remember.

  1. The Menu

Nothing is sexier than binge watching TV whilst eating delivery in bed next to your partner. This may sound like a laid back approach to the evening, but believe me, you need to plan ahead. Like, what if Deliveroo is really busy due to the holiday and your favourite restaurant isn’t available? Not only do you need to be emotionally prepared for this prospect, but you also need to have edible backup substances on hand in the fridge.

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They are roasting a heart for supper, totally normal.

If your takeaway dreams fall to pieces or you’re really feeling like you should ‘cook’ something since it’s a special occasion, I recommend oven pizzas. Don’t be intimidated- enjoying a piping hot pie in less than 6 minutes is easier than it sounds! Wack on that oven (preheating is optional if you just turn it all the way up to highest setting 100 degrees hotter than what the package recommends), unwrap your beautiful baby, and stick her in!

[Pro Tip: Don’t forget to set the timer on your iPhone.]

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[gasp] Pizza!

Once she’s out of the oven, that’s when you can get creative. What’s that? A lil garlic salt, you say? Sprinkle away! Oregano? Perfect! OOoohhhh what’s that cheeky bottle of Cholula doing there? Get it on that pizza immediately!!!!!!!

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It is also surprising and exciting to discover how many condiments subtly complement pizza. My favourite trio is BBQ sauce, Burger sauce, and Garlic sauce, but really the combinations are endless and can cater to you and your lover’s own tastes.

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‘You left out the poultry jelly sauce, cretin.’

2. The Entertainment

Now, what to watch? Again, this might seem like something that can be decided at the last minute, but what if you’ve seen everything already? Like, actually everything. The second it comes out. Do you really want to spend your whole evening scrolling through Netflix and throwing out titles of D-list options to your increasingly annoyed partner? I didn’t think so.

Nothing says romance like gritty drama, murder, and abuse etc. And I really have seen it all. Rather than give you a list of some good options, I’m just going to invite you to message me if you are considering watching something, and I will let you know whether it is good or bad.

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I even watched this. It is a terrible show.

3. Wardrobe

Reaching optimal levels of comfort also takes a surprising amount of preparation. It’s Valentine’s Day after all, so you’re probably going to want to wear some special lingerie. For example, I have a pair of ‘Friday Night Underwear’ that I always make sure is clean and ready for the weekend. They are Hanes from Target, one size to big, with ample waistband and nice full coverage all the way to the bellybutton. For a special night, I am willing to sub these bad boys in out of sequence, but that means planning ahead!

Bridget Jones

Same goes for your favourite sweatpants and t-shirts. Sometimes, if I’m feeling fancy or trying to look smart, I will tuck the t-shirt into the sweatpants to reveal some semblance of a waist, but this step is optional.

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Comfy!

[Pro Tip: Giant, thick socks pulled up over the bottoms of the sweatpants provides another nice aesthetic that your partner is sure to enjoy.]

[Another Pro Tip: Obviously don’t bother wearing a bra–what are you, some kind of masochist?!]

4. Finishing Touches

Of course, all this sounds a little bit dire if you leave out the most important ingredient–wine! Once again, preparation is key because there’s nothing worse than the panic that sets in when you realise you don’t have enough and the shop is closing and you have to run down the street in the aforementioned outfit with your bathrobe-esque coat flapping behind you. It really spoils the mood of the whole evening.

I like to keep the wine on the bedside table for convenient refills.

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But this makes the colour choice tricky, both red and white having their pros and cons. If you’ve splashed out for a £5 bottle of white, it’s probably best served cold vs bedroom-warmed. However, I think you’ll find that once you have had a decent amount of the £5 white wine, the room temperature remainder is perfectly palatable. Red wine, on the other hand, grows increasingly more delicious as it airs itself on your bedside…. but the more you drink of it, the more likely you are to spill it on the bed or on the floor or on your cat or on your favourite sweatshirt. Be sure to weigh up these options beforehand and decide what is best for you and what kind of risks you are willing to take.

[Pro Tip: You can minimise some of the risk by avoiding a dangerous traditionally stemmed wine glass and opting instead for a reliable juice glass or highball.]

And there you have it–all the ingredients to ensure that your Valentine’s Day is one for the books!

What are your plans, my little cupids?! Pizza? Roasted heart? Let me know in comments!

Love you today and all days/daze ❤ ❤ ❤

xWG

*partner optional

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weekes

Actor, Songstress, and Humour Blogger

29 thoughts on “Valentine’s: A Night to Remember” Leave a comment ›

  1. I remember one year I spent Valentine’s Day watching a program called Tyrannosaurus Sex on the Discovery Channel. Or was it on Animal Planet? You get the point.

    Happy Valentine’s Day!

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  2. Very sound advice, Weekes. 🙂 Sign me up for V-Day pizzas with dipping sauce and spit-roasted heart! I’ve lost count of how many nights have been saved, over here, by the general strategy of “putting stuff in the oven” (a.k.a. the “set it and forget it” method) & Netflix (we’ll try a $1.50 Redbox on special occasions. Do you have this in the UK?). Also, I enjoyed the wardrobe tips. Good to know that your Target clothes have made it across the pond! The heat just went off in our apartment, so tonight’s wardrobe will be layered sweats and sweaters over waffle-y long johns. Possibly hats. And you’ve reminded not to forget to pick up some Tetra Pak wine. Great post – wishing you a Happy Valentine’s! 🙂

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    • Haha yep, good ole Target/it’s probably disturbing how long I’ve had 90% of my (threadbare) underwear. Sigh, I probably think wistfully and longingly of Target at least once every day. Oh. My. Gah. YOU MUST BE FREEZING!!!! I really really hope the heating has been fixed by now and you are reading this reply as a living human and not a block of ice. Of course, among its many uses, the wine can also keep you warm!!! Thanks for stopping by to admire my pizza and collection of condiments 🙂

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  4. Yesssssss! I must be some sort of next-level Mata Hari-type seductress, because even without reading this yesterday, I managed to hit most of the key features! Do I get a prize?
    (I must confess to making a few tweaks to the formula though, substituting an aggressively shapeless checked shirt in tasteful blue and orange for the sweat pants, and gin for the wine. Hopefully these changes will meet with your approval.)
    However, I have been inspired by your creative use of sauces… Burger sauce? On pizza? How have I lived without this until now?! Looks like oven-ready frozen pie is on the menu again tonight… 😀

    Happy (belated) Valentine’s Day!

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    • HAHA you’re in a whole other league with your fancy gin and your hip checks! Clearly I have nothing left to teach you. Except for…. BURGER SAUCE!! Hahaha B thinks my flagrant and abundant use of this orange sauce is disgusting, but I’m telling ya, it really mixes well with BBQ sauce! Maybe I’ll see what it’s like in the mac & cheese I have planned for tonight. Too much? Too far? Happy belated to you too!

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      • Hahahha that is a brilliant idea. I bet I could concoct a whole soup dish from sauces alone! Marinate a nice chicken in burger sauce for my meat-eating contingency? Maybe even make some sort of burger sauce salad dressing for the super health-conscious reader (which, clearly, is not me). The wheels are turning now – I’d better go make some notes!

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      • Oh. My. Gosh. Another genius idea – how do you do it?! I think a cookery segment is definitely in the webisode future!

        (I actually really did add burger sauce to my mac last night, and I swear it was really good!!!!! I didn’t tell B though – I’m afraid he might leave me for being so disgusting.)

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      • Niiiiice! The real test is to make him Mac’n’cheese à la BBQ and burger sauce, and see if he comments on how unexpectedly delicious it is. He can’t judge you if he likes it too!

        I’m pretty psyched about this possible upcoming cookery segment… I REEEEALLY hope burger sauce is available in Ireland now!

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      • Well, you can probably make your own burger sauce! Perhaps that should be my tutorial 🤔 however, that sounds like it might involved measurements and stuff and it might be too technical for me 😬😂

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      • I know, right? I will probably get a deal for my own cooking show as a poor, miniature version of Nigella who only invites cats over for dinner parties in my grubby south London neighbourhood (‘Lower Chelsea’). Sure, I don’t have any of her fancy equipment or friends, but I’ve got spunk… and the burgeriest sauce around!

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      • Hahaha based on Nigella’s xmas tree ornaments containing flaming candles, I have determined that she has zero cats. What kind of party is that?! You’re always welcomed at mine if you don’t mind a bit of fluff!

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      • Booooooorrrrrrrriiing! What is a party without cats and fluff? Start prepping the burger sauce canapés, I’ll bring a box of wine and some shamrock flavour crisps for a bit of local colour… Because yes, those actually are a thing.

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  5. Okay, If I can manage to get over gagging in my mouth at the horrible things you douse your pizza in, I will be able to laugh my ass off at this post. You are truly the fashion maven. I mean you’ve put thought into your whole look, not only in regards to what shows on the outside, but what’s underneath (or not underneath) as well. Be prepared because Vogue is going to be knocking down your door begging you to share your secrets! And damn, not only are you a fashionista to rival Chanel, you’re a bedside sommelier to boot! Your talents (except for pizza topping choices) are ASTOUNDING. Great, that sentence got me thinking about those pizza sauces of yours again and now my pizza purist self must go find a bucket.

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    • Hahaha don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it! I will admit, I have an unusual obsession with condiments… one time a boyfriend (in a noble gesture to win my love) (at about 3am) offered the McDonald’s drive-thru worker ‘$100 for all the sauces you have!’ to put on my fries (we did get an itemized receipt with about 20 sauces rung up individually). (Sweet & Sour sauce is surprising good for fry dipping, btw.)

      I know, I’m still waiting for my call from VOGUE… any day now. Hopefully they’ll come and do a photo shoot in my natural habitat–it’s usually B who gets the winning shot of me sitting up in bed, asleep, clutching a wine glass, both cats splayed across my body, and some type of sauce in the corners of my mouth. Dunno how he can resist me (he’s probably reaching for a bucket too!).

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      • Aw, nothing says love like the twenty-sauce combo pack. Ooh, maybe you could sell MacD’s the idea of putting the sauces in a heart-shaped box for Valentines Day. I mean I’m sure you’re not the only “saucy” girl out there 😂 As for weird fry sauce…my mom used to dip her fries in milkshakes…no wonder I was such a tubby kid!

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      • LOLz!!!! I mean, I genuinely would much prefer that sauce-heart to a box of chocolate! Mmmmm fries in milkshakes, genius combination of salty and sweet! (And yes, I’m not sure how I wasn’t an obese child as the ‘healthiest’ thing at our dinner was usually a ‘salad’ of iceberg lettuce covered in Thousand Island dressing.)

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