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Sunday Slumps

I dunno… there’s something about cooking/prepping my lunches for the work week on a Sunday that makes me very depressed. I guess it’s anticipating being in the office and facing the reality of what is ahead. As I stand in the kitchen putting things into sad little containers and messing up more dishes that I’m going to have to wash yet again in a vain attempt for everything not to be a wreck when I set out on Monday morning, I am overwhelmed by the ceaseless monotony (and entropy) of it all. Like another week has slipped through my fingers, another week of the same shit is revving up.

Today is a bad anxiety day, I’m afraid to report.

I’m unable to put my finger on just why. There seems to be no tangible (or single) causation apart from an upcoming week with more scheduled that I’d prefer. And it’s extremely hot and sunny outside.

But instead of viewing the week as this overwhelming red mountain, I need to break it down into smaller bits that actually prove to me that things are fine. Good, even. Things are good.

Image result for bull last unicorn
My Week

Firstly, my job is actually a pretty sweet deal, and I’ll be screwed if I get ousted from my position after the council reorg in September. So I should be grateful and thankful and shut up about it. I mean, yes, it MIGHT be killing me (I feel like my body is physically breaking down when I sit at that desk), but I need to remember that I am actively making strides towards it not being the defining feature of my life.

Secondly, I’m not sure how to make a positive out of the dread I feel about having two doctors appointments this week. The whole thing really freaks me out, and I feel like I might just be a coward and not go because I just can’t deal. Perhaps I need some sort of prize incentive, like a child? The prospect of buying new clothes might do the trick, but sadly I have no money with which to bribe myself! Perhaps I just need to think about it as something that has been hanging over my head for a long time that I will finally be able to cross off my list. After all, is there anything more rewarding that crossing something off a damn list?!

Lastly, I must remember that some of the scheduled things this week are acting-related and therefore positive! I have an audition AND a !rehearsal! at the weekend, as I’ve successfully been cast in a show. Woohoo! I know I will feel much much better as soon as I am living the reality of that fact, script in hand, full again of joy.

A couple of weeks of submitting to castings have passed, and I don’t feel totally disheartened. It’s something that will clearly take a little bit of time, but the process is easy enough. Certainly easier than back in the olden days when auditions were listed in the newspaper and you’d just show up to an open call.

These days, everything is online and you sort of act as your own agent. (Except you’re also supposed to still get an agent. Blah blah blah something to worry about later/soon/now.) But at least when you get invited to an audition, you know you’ve kind of passed the first round already.

Anyway, it’s Romeo and Juliet for me again for the next couple of weeks… but this time I’m playing a female Romeo in a gender-swapped version!

Image result for romeo + juliet
If only I could be as beautiful as Leo.

I think in a lot of ways I’m much more like Romeo than Juliet. He’s a much weaker character, so I wonder how that will play out–if he will be less interesting from a female perspective. I will let you know!

I don’t know why I find it so easy to feel trapped–like I’m at a dead end with no way out. The difficult part for me is remembering that that is not true… even when I have very tangible evidence such as being cast! Whhhhhhhhhy????

It has been said over and over, but I really do find the ‘take it one day at a time’ advice helpful when battling anxiety. My anxiety gets out of hand when I look too far forward and try to anticipate things.

So, for now, Monday is the focus. And we’ll see how things go from there!

How are your weeks shaping up? Any special ways you have to deal with future worries? Lemme know in the comments!


17 thoughts on “Sunday Slumps Leave a comment

  1. I relate to your Sunday thoughts, and am prone to the feeling you describe. Even when things are going ‘decent’, less-than-helpful interpretations of the present state of things have the habit of cropping up, and it takes a valiant effort to not be swayed… Arg, right? It’s helpful to read how you’re putting the Sunday slumps in perspective. Good strategy! And I think you’re right about ‘one day at a time’; it’s the perfect antidote to worry and very forgiving, too! (I wish humans had our own version of those ‘eye blinders’ they put on horses to keep them from freaking out. That would be useful!!). Congrats on the casting, too! Great to hear that another exciting role is lined up for you! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, let’s tackle that good stuff first… Auditions and rehearsals, hoooooraaaaay! Congratulations on only landing the flippin’ female lead, and I know you’ll be giving Leo a run for his money in the prettiness stakes! As for the rest of it… Doctors and the regular working week are certainly two of the least fun things going, but by the end of this post it sounds like you’ve talked yourself into the frame of mind you need to get though it. And you can still reward yourself for good behaviour without breaking the bank… An hour wandering around a museum or gallery in our great nations is FREE, and it’s a treat that always leaves me feeling super-refreshed and inspired! Or reading through your script in your favourite café or bar for an hour or two is neeearly free, and you can easily convince yourself that it counts as working too, if you’re short of time. 😂 Now, go show this week who’s boss! You can do it!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, there is definitely good stuff to focus on, and I immediately felt better when I received my R&J script yesterday and that prospect became more tangible. What a wonderful idea about going to a nice coffee shop to do a read through! Highlighting my lines is pretty much my favourite activity on the planet, so I’m gonna save that as a post-doc treat on Wednesday 🙂 Thanks as always for your support and encouragement. Woohoo! Take that, week! We’re coming for you!


      • Oh, you still have a reason to highlight stuff! It’s really been too long! Hope today goes ok and you get to really enjoy your treat afterwards… And yeah, let’s squash this week like it’s one of those annoying buzzy flies that seem to be everywhere just now! 😂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Wellllllll, I’m bad and I didn’t end up going…. and therefore did not treat myself to the peace of highlighting out of the house. Instead, I made a coffee at home and experienced the punishment of attempting to highlight with J&E helping. This resulted in the loss of both my highlighter cap and the clip that formerly held the script pages together. Where these items/fun toys will turn up next, who knows! I hope you’re doing some more successful week-squashing!!!!!! 🙂


      • Ah shucks… Next time, maybe. If you have to force yourself to do it, it hardly counts as a treat! Then again, highlighting with Jane and Edward sounds… Um… Interesting! I hope they’re at least having fun with their new toys. 😆 But hey, my own week-squashing only merits a “could do better” sticker, I think… I’ve definitely a few more things to get done before Sunday rolls around!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I say you go into that rehearsal with a Kate Winslet doll strapped to your chest and your arms held out in a T and shout “I’m the king of the world.” That will totally convince them you are every bit as perfect as Leo (or it might get security called on you…either way, you’ll leave an impression). As for doctors, ugh, thanks for reminding me that I need to make my appointments.

    And yes, there is nothing more satisfying (okay, nothing you an do in public with a pen and paper) than crossing things off lists. Which is why you should put EVERYTHING on your list: Get to doctor, open door of clinic, check in, wait, catch horrid disease from touching magazines in waiting room, slap the nurse when she tries to weigh you (thereby spreading the disease you’ve just contracted in waiting room), wait for doctor, wait for doctor, start rifling through exam room drawers, leap back onto exam table when door rattles, fall off exam table and tumble to floor in heap, wave to doctor from floor (with hand that is now festering red and oozing pus), omit fact that all five drink you say you have in a week are on the same day (okay, same hour), endure exam then find you can’t cross it off your list because your festering hand has been bandaged too tightly to hold a pen.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hahahahah lolololol….. I’m sure it would have gone EXACTLY like that if I hadn’t bailed! Yes, that’s right, I chickened out on my Wednesday walk-in. Hopefully I’ll be more responsible about going to my rigidly scheduled appointment tomorrow. But then I’ll be fully prepared to contract all manner of disease and lie about my drinking.

      Now how am I gonna get my hands on that Kate Winslet doll, I wonder…………

      Liked by 1 person

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