Oh my heavens. I am so behind. So very behind. It’s been (over?) a month since I’ve written to you, and so many things that would have been great posts have passed me by!!! Do I backtrack and try to catch you up? Plow ahead with the current scene? Or do I give up blogging altogether and collapse into a heap of exhaustion?
The last seems like a tempting option. Blaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh.
Okay, now that that’s out of the way…
I suppose I’ll just start with my most earth shattering and exciting news: I’ve said goodbye to Poowich forever! That’s right, I finally threw in the towel at the ol’ office and am back to pulling pints and slingin’ Sunday roasts at the pub. It was a really hard trigger to pull, but now that I am finally free, I wonder why I didn’t do it earlier.
As I enter the twilight years of my life (having turned 35 last week), I’m trying not to dwell on the past with regret (haha!) but rather to look forward to a future filled with possibility and potential (hahaha!). Okay, fine, so I’m really cynical and it’s difficult for me. But I’m trying!
From a psychological standpoint, I hope that this latest transition will resolve the crisis of self definition that I’ve been experiencing over the past several years. I think it’s much easier to confidently describe yourself as an actor/writer/musician when you are earning money by picking up shifts at a pub vs spending the majority of your week in a 9 to 5 (or 7:30am – 7:30pm) job that people are much more likely to view as your ‘profession’. I’ve learned that as an artist, this problem of self definition is really important–crucial to providing necessary motivation, strength, and ambition.
I was opting for some security and a more acceptable (to other people) semblance of adulthood when I took the office job 3 years ago. Instead, I found that this particular cage of stagnate employment made me emotionally unravelled and extremely insecure. I’ve always had such a strong sense of self, such a clearly defined nature. I have discovered that I simply cannot cope with that essence being lost, buried, or snuffed out. I must feel like me to survive this Crass Casualty of hap!
At any rate, with my new schedule I should have time during the weekdays to get my life in focus, write more, and audition… and then have flexibility when I actually do get cast in something!
Another big change I’ve made is eliminating alcohol from my lifestyle. I know I vowed to drink less wine way back in January, but I didn’t actually follow through with rigidity and self control until about July. This abstention has had a really positive impact on my life over the last few months. I might write more about it if it is of interest to anyone else or something other readers might be struggling with?
I admit, I allowed myself a few cheeky glasses of red in Italy last week, but I refrained from drinking entire bottles as was my former custom!
So, what else can y’all look forward to being caught up on, you ask? Well, I have several humorous auditions to tell you about, some super important herstory of female WWII pilots to relate, and my interpretation of Lady Macbeth. (Also of possible interest, I’ve enjoyed a trip to Shakespeare’s Globe and a visit to the V&A for Frida Kahlo with Cordelia. Oh yeah, and then there’s Venice!)
To conclude, for now, with the words of the great Fiona Apple:
If you’re right, you’ll agree: here is coming a better version of me.
*Special thanks to B for the excellent photos (and for taking me to Venice!!!!!!)*