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A Better Version of Me

Oh my heavens. I am so behind. So very behind. It’s been (over?) a month since I’ve written to you, and so many things that would have been great posts have passed me by!!! Do I backtrack and try to catch you up? Plow ahead with the current scene? Or do I give up blogging altogether and collapse into a heap of exhaustion?

The last seems like a tempting option. Blaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh.

Slanket Meme

Okay, now that that’s out of the way…

I suppose I’ll just start with my most earth shattering and exciting news: I’ve said goodbye to Poowich forever! That’s right, I finally threw in the towel at the ol’ office and am back to pulling pints and slingin’ Sunday roasts at the pub. It was a really hard trigger to pull, but now that I am finally free, I wonder why I didn’t do it earlier.

As I enter the twilight years of my life (having turned 35 last week), I’m trying not to dwell on the past with regret (haha!) but rather to look forward to a future filled with possibility and potential (hahaha!). Okay, fine, so I’m really cynical and it’s difficult for me. But I’m trying!

From a psychological standpoint, I hope that this latest transition will resolve the crisis of self definition that I’ve been experiencing over the past several years. I think it’s much easier to confidently describe yourself as an actor/writer/musician when you are earning money by picking up shifts at a pub vs spending the majority of your week in a 9 to 5 (or 7:30am – 7:30pm) job that people are much more likely to view as your ‘profession’. I’ve learned that as an artist, this problem of self definition is really important–crucial to providing necessary motivation, strength, and ambition.

Palazzo Ducale

I was opting for some security and a more acceptable (to other people) semblance of adulthood when I took the office job 3 years ago. Instead, I found that this particular cage of stagnate employment made me emotionally unravelled and extremely insecure. I’ve always had such a strong sense of self, such a clearly defined nature. I have discovered that I simply cannot cope with that essence being lost, buried, or snuffed out. I must feel like me to survive this Crass Casualty of hap!

At any rate, with my new schedule I should have time during the weekdays to get my life in focus, write more, and audition… and then have flexibility when I actually do get cast in something!

Another big change I’ve made is eliminating alcohol from my lifestyle. I know I vowed to drink less wine way back in January, but I didn’t actually follow through with rigidity and self control until about July. This abstention has had a really positive impact on my life over the last few months. I might write more about it if it is of interest to anyone else or something other readers might be struggling with?

I admit, I allowed myself a few cheeky glasses of red in Italy last week, but I refrained from drinking entire bottles as was my former custom!

Venetian Red WineSo, what else can y’all look forward to being caught up on, you ask? Well, I have several humorous auditions to tell you about, some super important herstory of female WWII pilots to relate, and my interpretation of Lady Macbeth. (Also of possible interest, I’ve enjoyed a trip to Shakespeare’s Globe and a visit to the V&A for Frida Kahlo with Cordelia. Oh yeah, and then there’s Venice!)

To conclude, for now, with the words of the great Fiona Apple:


If you’re right, you’ll agree: here is coming a better version of me.


*Special thanks to B for the excellent photos (and for taking me to Venice!!!!!!)*

17 thoughts on “A Better Version of Me Leave a comment

  1. Yay you! Okay, I can’t even begin to fathom the no-alcohol thing (I need my rewards), but I too have forced myself to stop the Whole Bottle thing and feel much better for it. I think any time you take a bit of control over things you feel oodles empowered.

    As for leaving the Pit of Despair, I mean “job”, I know exactly how you feel. It’s scary but it does make you feel tons more legit as you head toward your creative dreams. The hardest part (besides the lack of cash) is putting up with people who say you don’t work or act as if what you’re doing is just for play. I put in far more hours now than I did at any “real” job and this is the “real-est” (that’s a word now) work I’ve ever done.

    Best of luck to you!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Absolutely. And I realised that I definitely felt like alcohol had control over me–not good! It was initially very difficult not to give in to the relief of it on bad days (it’s the only way to switch off my overactive brain), but eventually the strength to deny a tasty red became very empowering!

      And yeah, totally. I am determined to henceforth really proudly proclaim that I’m an actor/creative and not try to assuage peoples’ expectations about what I should be doing in my life. I don’t know why it’s so much more understandable and acceptable to other people to imagine you sitting behind a computer at a desk in some wretched office….. I just cannot conform to that! And I know I will be doing far more work now that I’m free!!! Here’s to us being ‘real’!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Well, you know how I feel about evil red things… I do have fun now and then taking a month off from drinking. I feel like it kind of resets my cravings, but good on you for showing that booze who’s boss!

        I sometimes think about getting a “real” job just to shut people up about my “not working,” but then I realize whose life this is. So far we’re not starving. Until that day comes, I’m going to give this the best shot I can. Blech, that all sounded annoyingly peppy.

        Liked by 1 person

      • You’re totally right and I dig the pep! Surely no one knows better than you what is right for your own life!!! I always regret it when I listen to other people, haha. Let’s do it our way and give it our best shot, dang it!!!!!!!!!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Yippee hooray! So long, Poowich! And I’m excited to see a “coming soon” blogging lineup of herstory and days out posts… It feels like it’s been a while. Congratulations on ditching that office job and getting on with something important, and don’t you dare listen to anyone who says otherwise! I reckon the perceived status of soulless office jobs is a fiction created to keep people doing them, because otherwise nobody would. Also, well done for making good on your new year’s resolution to improve your relationship with the demon drink… It’s always better to be in a place where you can enjoy it, rather than need it. Good luck with your new improved life… Not that you need it, of course! 😁

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yipeeeeeeeeee!!!!! Sunday nights are usually the height of my angst, so it’s starting to feel real each time I remember today that I don’t have to go there tomorrow!!!!!! Thank you for all your well wishes and encouragement along the way. You’re my role model for self improvement and dream-chasing 🙂 I hope I can make good on my promises of upcoming bloggos! I’d better get on it. In the absence of 12 hour blocks of dormant hell, the days are suddenly feeling very short and full indeed!


      • Oh look, it’s Monday! Hey, don’t you have to be in work? Ehhhhh… NOPE! I’d wish you a very happy Monday, but I suspect it’s already looking pretty peachy. And woweeeee, I’ve never been a role model before! Big responsibility… I should probably get on with self-improvement and dream-chasing myself! Have a super day! 😀

        Liked by 1 person

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